


fair as a summer day; now the summer days are through

by ThunderAndMadness



Category: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Genre: Angst, F/M, Recovery, Yikes, additonal warning for Poe being ashamed of being aroused during his assault, but that's been a trigger for a lot of people so I thought I'd warn, like this is not a sexy explicit fic guys, not to spoil my own fic or anything, rated explicit for graphic rape, someone asked me for a rape fic so here you are, there's consensual sex in this but it's described vaguely, this is two really hurt people trying to survive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:23:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderAndMadness/pseuds/ThunderAndMadness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey says <i> I trust you. </i> Poe says <i> I trust you, too. </i> It's the best they can do.</p><p>Title from "Littlest Birds" by the Be Good Tanyas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Poe and Rey are both victims of graphic rape in this fic. Please proceed carefully.
> 
> Update: edited 7/16 to remove the Finn-related tags after an excellent criticism from user "Brooke".

Poe makes it a few yards from the wreck of the TIE fighter before he vomits. He sits back on his heels and wipes his mouth, suddenly feeling the impact of the crash a lot more than he was a few seconds ago.

He'd been cocky, confident during their escape. It came easy to him, like it always has, the easy smile a measure of protection against whatever might be coming.

But now that he has a second to exhale, it's all coming back up like bile in his throat. His jacket is gone and his clothes are torn. His head aches and his ears are ringing from the crash. And he's got this overwhelming feeling of filth all over him. A trickle of blood is drying on the inside of his thigh; he's acutely aware of it, more than any other part of his body.

Kylo Ren's hands were on him, were in him while he tried to pry secrets out of Poe's head. He'd made Poe lie there and feel it happening, body pinned down by the Force. Ren had brushed against some innermost part of Poe's body in the midst of all that horror and sent sparks shuddering through him, against his will. That part was the worst. Worse than the pressure of the Force on his neck, worse than having his mind combed for information. His own body had betrayed him.

When Ren was finished using his hand, he didn't stop. He clamped his hand over Poe's mouth and pushed his body against Poe almost gently, slowly, like he wanted to draw it out as long as he possibly could. Poe had sobbed like a child and prayed to every deity he could think of to let him get away.

He got away, but he'll never be clean again.

And he's boiling alive in this goddamn desert.

Poe leans down and vomits some more.


	2. Chapter 2

He's got this look on his face sometimes. Rey notices it when he's not talking to anybody and she's just watching him work. He looks haunted.

She knows the feeling well. 

Ren's ship was a nightmare in a lot of ways. She has a fear of lying down, sometimes, a fear of waking up with her arms and legs restrained. She flinches a little more often now. 

Ren had thrown her backwards and torn off her clothes, done something to her that she has no word for, left her torn and bleeding and unclean. She remembers how her arm had fallen asleep where he grasped it. She remembers the deep agony of Ren invading her body and mind at the same time. She kept her walls up out of sheer desperation. She'd been focusing on the mental intrusion to avoid having to feel the physical one. 

Still, it's not having her mind read that makes her wake up screaming. 

And when she does wake up screaming, lately, it's invariably been Poe holding onto her. They've taken to staying together while they wait for Finn to wake up. They both refer to it as waiting. They try to convince themselves that's what it is. 

She came back from training with Skywalker full of new strength and new life, but no purpose. She just has to wait for orders, for a military strike that she can lead. She's supposed to center herself when she has those nightmares. But meditation and self reflection seem so pointless when the whole point of being awake is not to think about what happened. 

Master Skywalker wouldn't understand, when she told him.

But Poe gets it. They sleep tangled in each other and cling to one another for comfort. Sometimes sleeping feels like giving in, so they stay up and talk instead. Poe has a quick smile and a way of speaking that makes it seem almost like he isn't broken. But Rey can see it.  
She wears the pain openly, like a good battle scar. She hasn't got words for it, but she knows that she survived something horrible. It shows in her face; a mix of survivor and victim.


	3. Chapter 3

Poe isn't sure he knows what to call what he and Rey have. They call it "waiting" for the moment, the word as temporary as the arrangement. They started this because they both loved Finn and he wasn't there to be loved, not really. What Poe and Rey have isn't that same kind of devotion; it's survival. You can only wait beside someone's bed for so long without seeing the person waiting next to you. It isn't love, but it's quiet and strong and it gets him through the nightmares.

When he kisses her, it's not a coil of desire; it's as soft and slow and necessary as the rest of whatever this thing they're doing is. He makes her smile. It's what he does best, even after all this. He smiles a lot. It's self defense. It's him keeping out all the remembering he could be doing. He uses his laugh like a shield.

"Waiting" also means sex. Poe still knows how to do that, too, but it's not the wild hasty affairs he's used to. It's slow and full of pausing and foreheads resting against one another while the two of them just breathe. It's _you ok?_ and _yeah, I think I'm alright_ in place of little endearments.

It's Poe giving her the words for what he's doing while he does it; and it's Rey repeating the same words softly at him to learn their shapes.

It's Rey not pulling away when he has to tell her to _stop, please, I don't think I can do this_. She always stops. She pulls him into her arms instead. She's so young, but he feels like she's the stronger one. He's safe with her.

(Sometimes she is so afraid that she can't touch him at all, but he has the kindest smile and he's older and wiser than she is. He protects her.)

Rey says _I trust you_. Poe says _I trust you, too._ It's the best they can do.

**Author's Note:**

> As they said in my heyday, concrit always appreciated.


End file.
